They didn’t do anything about it. They quit.

As for your family… I’ve known them almost as long as I’ve known you. I have a pretty good idea of how they have handled things, and while I don’t agree with how they’ve handled them, I get it.

They’re helpless. There’s nothing they can do. They hear the stories, and they see the pain you’re in, and there’s not a freakin’ thing they can do about it.

To top it off, the story of “What’s wrong with Josh” seems to change every few months. Is it gluten in your diet? Fibromyalgia? Dopamine deficiency? Your doctors haven’t seemed to figure it out either.

Josh, Occam’s Razor suggests that the simplest solution is likely the correct one. If there is nothing physically broken in your body (and for you to be in that much pain, there would be something demonstrably wrong) It is damned easy to conclude that it is something in your head. Am I saying that you’re faking all of this? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I know, better than you can possibly imagine, how your mind can make the body feel pain. How if you believe that you are sick for long enough, your body will become sick.

What I’m saying… What I have SEEN is a change in your personality. You look for reasons not to do something, or reasons why you can’t. You didn’t used to be like this. You used to drag me around to various activities. You were the one getting ME out of the house.

Josh, I think you’re suffering from depression. Not because of the pain you are in. I think your mind is turning against your body. I think that pain is a manifestation of all that you’ve had to deal with, and god knows that is a LOT.

If you would prefer that I put it more clinically, I think you’ve been attacking this from the wrong angle. You need to talk to someone who can help you get around these thoughts and feelings in your head. I had to do it, and most people I know have had to do it. They’re professionals for a reason, and I think they’d really help you. But in order to do that, you’re going to have to do something else that you don’t want to do. You’re going to have to understand that you don’t know it all. As smart as you are, and you’re one of the smartest people I know in this world, you don’t know it all.

I don’t think you’re crazy. I don’t think you’re “mentally ill”, but you need to talk to someone who has a lot more expertise than I do when it comes to understanding how the mind works, and how it can affect the body.

You can be mad at life. You can be mad at how things should have been. But you need to really consider what the deceased was going through. They were just as mad about it and they did something about it.

I know it sounds like I’m just making excuses so that nothing will work, but that’s the annoying reality. Believe me. When I’m blessed with one day when I feel good, I burst out the door at 8am and do everything I’ve been wanting to do for months, and boy do I pay for it for the next week when my body attacks me for having the nerve to want to run, or to climb something, or to do some yoga. Its just a friggin impossible situation and being isolated makes it even worse. I can’t even hold my nieces because I’m afraid my arms will give out. Plus, seeing everyone with their lives going so well just makes me hurt inside. Especially interacting with their kids. I really don’t know what to do.

As long as we’re being real here, let me hit you with a couple of unpleasant truths before I bring you some good news.

Some of the things that have happened to you in life are a direct result of the choices you’ve made. I won’t get into them here because you don’t deserve that, but if you’d like to talk about that and won’t shoot the messenger, you know where to find me.

As for your pain. I’ll be the first to say that you have been dealt a shitty genetic hand in life. You’ve gone through things that would scare the hell out of men much braver than both of us. I’ll also say that at some point, dozens of doctors being unable to find what is wrong with you points to something else. I am NOT a doctor, so I am not willing to add my amateur diagnosis to all of theirs.

Now for the good news…

I want to draw attention to a couple of things you wrote.

1) “Most of my close friends have disowned me (excluding you guys)” Real friends don’t bail when things get tough, and you have more people who care about you and MISS you than you realize. I’m asking, hell, I’m BEGGING you to come to the next Round Table in February so you can see for yourself. In the 20 years that we have been friends, we’ve never bailed on you Josh, and we never will. That’s what friends do. Now do we have the time or ability to see you as much as we would like? No. That’s just a sad reality of growing up and older. Jobs, wives, kids, PTA meetings… Life happens. But we’ll never stop trying.

2) You say you want a “logical conclusion that it makes sense to be alive”? I can’t give you that. Nobody can. I can tell you what works for me and hope that someone as smart as you (you’re smarter than I am… and given my ego, that’s saying something) can work with it to come up with one on your own.

Find something outside yourself to care for/about. It can be a hobby, a pet, a volunteer organization… doesn’t matter. Find something that takes your focus off of yourself even if it just for a few minutes each day. Stop waiting for your phone to ring and call someone. Don’t wait for life to come to you. Go get it.

Stop thinking of ways to say “I can’t” and start saying “Fuck it, I’m going to do it anyway.” Even if you fail, there is no shame in trying anyway. There is dignity in struggle. There is honor in effort. Don Quixote hasn’t been required reading for hundreds of years because his life was easy or fun. Most people thought he was batshit crazy, but he tilted at those windmills anyway.

I used to get told as a kid “It ain’t how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get back up again.” I thought it was trite as hell back then, and it ain’t much better now, but it’s important. Know this. If nobody else on this planet would miss you if you were gone, I would. Keep fighting.

Family doesn’t want to hear about it. They ignore it and pretend everything is ok. Friends I’ve had for decades disown me the moment my condition become to bothersome for them. Family distances themselves the moment dealing with me becomes inconvenient. I’ve lost two girlfriends because they said I was too sick to live with. I’ve been to every doctor in town and they have all given up. I’ve had women I love tell me that they wouldn’t stay with me if I got any sicker. I’ve had a mother completely disown me the moment I started getting sick because she was not going to be stuck taking care of anyone. To me friends are people I deeply care about and would do anything for, but for some unknown reason will eventually stop returning my calls and email.

I’m looking at a condition that is getting worse and worse and will eventually give me throat cancer if something isn’t done but nobody has a clue. and I’m not going out getting choked to death by cancer in some ICU. I’m certainly not going to live out the next 20 to 40 years of my life in this kind of pain or more as they predict. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life yearning for the wife and kids I’ve always wanted but have been denied.

People in my life have had a chance with the stroke of a signature in some cases to take away 10 years of some of my hardship and haven’t even given it a thought. Hell, even people with the same disease as me have shunned me because they don’t want to be around sick people even though they are just as sick as I am. Animal instinct.

Up to this point, I’ve missed out on everything in life. So what am I going to do? I’m not suicidal, but at some point I’m going to be homeless with no insurance because I’m not going to be able to work much longer the way things are heading, but nobody takes it seriously. I wish you all could spend a week in my shoes, never knowing what parts of your body aren’t going to work that day. Whether the ringing in you ears is going to make you lash out at people at work. Whether you are going to have enough strength left in you legs to handle another traffic jam or are you going to wreck your car once again and get screwed over by your insurance company with even higher rates. Whether your family and friend will become even more distant because they just can’t get it through their heads that you just cannot travel. Am I going to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews when I can’t travel. God forbid anyone ever visit me.

Right now i’m just riding out life until I can’t take it anymore and people keep taking advantage of me because I’m too sick to have time to defend myself. You don’t know what I’d give to have a daughter’s love or a wife to be there for me when I’m down. I don’t even know if there would be anyone around me to find the body. I’ve already been cheated out of my house, all my possessions, all my savings, all my retirement, now my health insurance is almost non-existent. So I have about 25K a year in uncovered medical expenses. So I have to keep working, but I can’t work because I’m sick. So I sleep all weekend. I sleep from the time I get home to the time I have to go to work. Just so I have enough energy to show up late for work. Sit at my keyboard because my hands hurt too much to type. And then I get the agony of trying to drive home in rush hour traffic when I can hardly stand.

So what would you do? I’ve got a phone with 9000 rollover minutes because my family never calls me. Most of my close friends have disowned me (excluding you guys). I’m trying to decide if i want to have a 40th birthday party, but each year gets more and more painful. So why celebrate. You people (Ross Perot impression) with degrees, houses, families, children, wives, retirement, energy, hobbies, more friends than you can keep up with mystify me. I’ve got nothing but the uncertainty of how bad things could get next, and the constant reminder of how well everyone else is doing mixed with the poisonous love of the friends who have disowned me.

So there’s the naked truth about my life. Is it too much for you to handle. Will you instinctively distance yourself from me? If it ever came to me ending myself, I acknowledge that it would hurt my family and my friends but I’ve given them plenty of opportunity to ease the growing pain and isolation that is my life. There’s only so many times you can charge at windmills before you give up and let the pain, expectations, and constant reminders of how much a failure your life has been from the beginning to the end – all at no fault of your own. Just bad genetics and an uninvolved family.

So suicide is selfish – selfish because, at least in my case, nobody has given you the thing you want the most – a way to make life livable and the logical conclusion that it makes sense to be alive. Aside from that, I would never hurt myself because of simple depression. I’m a logical person and its slowly approaching the time when existence will be illogical. This isn’t a cry for help, its an explanation of the other side of the coin – one that has yet to land on heads or tails.

And really, her only fault was putting it on her hand… everyone knows you put it on a card taped to your water bottle so you can look like you’re just thirsty and taking a small pause for a sip before answering…

What does Kumquat sounds like when it is stepped on?

If I can hit 300 by D*C, I’ll consider myself “on track”. If you can’t bench 300 with your workout regimen, then you’re doing it wrong.

This is my way of saying, you need to drop some pounds if we want to make this happen. *grin*

The problem is, even if the GOP changes overnight. The next campaign will be full of Republican “strawmen” representing the old GOP’s values. Having Limbaugh and Hannity as your mouthpieces isn’t helping either. Right or wrong, they represent a marginalist view that isn’t selling at the polls.

I hear people in the GOP saying that McCain’s defeat has brought about real change in the party (or will). Sadly, I think the GOP is going to continue doing what it’s always done despite the market (voters) rejection.

Still, I hear where you’re coming from. There’s just a line you don’t cross with people who treat you like extended family.

-Grim

Short version: There is a difference between “clan” and “country”, but only one of degree. The difference being, you can choose your country. You can choose your degree of involvement with your country. You can choose who is in charge of your country. You can do none of those with your “clan” or your family.

That said, I think there is an answer to the health care problem in this country. I think that it is in our own rational self interest to provide a certain level of basic services to all citizens in this country. Access to courts, access to education, access to the legal system. Our taxes go to provide a basic level of service to everyone. (“If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you…”) I think it is possible to put health care in that same category. Not necessarily by writing a blank check to pay for every doctor visit or prescription pill authorized by a doctor, but a reasonable standard of health care that is available to all Americans. If you can do better on your own, then have at it. But, using the legal system as an example, we can’t all hire Johnny Cochran. If you have the means then get the best that you can afford. If you do not have the means, then that does not necessarily follow that you are “out of luck”.

Now if we can just get the talk radioheads out there to stop whining “It’s our money!” every time they talk about taxes, we might get somewhere.

http://www.juntosociety.com/patriotism/inytg.html

The problem with third party candidacies in the United States comes from the fact that they start with the Presidency as a first step. For a third party to become a truly viable alternative, you need to start at the bottom level. Win some House seats, a Senate seat or two. Establish a record that demonstrates the principles that your party stands for. Grow your party’s share of seats on both houses until you become large enough to influence votes on key pieces of legislation. In business it would be called “building your brand”.

Once you have met this step, then you can afford to step into the national spotlight and make a serious run at the Presidency. To date, the Libertarian party has failed to win a single congressional seat, yet they never fail to run a candidate for President. Why should voters take them seriously? What can they reasonably hope to accomplish even if they won election? How would they obtain the power to govern? Congress could override the veto, and any initiatives of your own would die in committee.

As for Ron Paul, I respect his ideals, and if he had the congressional infrastructure to get anything done then he might be worthy of my vote. But why should I vote for a candidate who can’t do any of the things he wants to accomplish as President?

http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig3/bergland4.html

Write in Ron Paul.

Never mind the fact that “Joe” the Plumber actually only earns in the vicinity of $40k a year, likely not enough to buy a company for $250k+, and definitely never mind the fact that a company purchased for $250k wouldn’t be earning anyone $250k in taxable income.

Good post, Grim.

This is exactly what scares me about many folks I’ve met in the South. That, and the fact that some of the (supposedly) more intelligent people I know are going to vote for “Mickey Mouse” because they don’t like either candidate…

*sigh* I love the land, I love the area, I love the weather, but some of the folks here need a serious hammering with a clue-by-four.

Let me start off by saying I have no real opinion on Palin. She hasn’t really said anything of substance since she was apointed as McCains running mate. Obama did the same thing for a LONG time, simply putting forth platform vagaries, but eventually he started adding substance. Palin hasn’t gotten there yet, and likely won’t.

But on to Olberman’s comments.

First he talks about Ayerds as a guy Obama barely knows, and all they did was serve on a charity board together. Well, as we know Obama had his “political coming out party” in Ayers living room. Let me ask you, would you decide to say, have your 50th or 40th birthday, or 25th wedding anniversary party (or party of other significant event) in the living room of someone you barely know? Someone who’s “just some guy in the nighborhood? If the relationship is so casual and distant as Olberman suggests, would Ayers, just some guy in the neigborhood, ask Obama to chair and be put in charge of disseminating millions of dollars? Would you trust a charity’s millions with some guy who happens to live in the neighborhood?

Olberman characterizes Ayers as a reahbilitated terrorist (and then mocks the use of the word terrorist), yet Ayers is unrepentant. Just a few years ago he said “I’m not sorry. We should have done more.” Doesn’t sound like the words of the man Olberman is characterizing.

Then Olberman talks about the fact that Obama was only 8 when the bombings happened. Typical Red Herring arguement. He goes on to talk about Palin’s husband being a member of an organization that once wanted Alaska to ceceed from the nation. This also ocurred in 1973. So would not the same “it happened when I was 8″ arguement hold up? What’s good for the goose is apparently not good for the gander. Hypocracy at work. Oh yeah, Palin’s husband isn’t running for office. Oh, and in 2002 he withdrew from that party.

Palin’s speech for the convention for that party was a speech to welcome the party to her town. This is very typical of many mayors. Just because she wrote a welcoming speech for the organization, doesn’t mean she supported it’s 30-year past cesession agenda. This bring to mind the quote “I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend with my life your right to say it.” Now, I will grant Oblerman that this was probably not the best judgement on her part, to welcome them, but this is nothing compared to the other issues being discussed.

Let’s talk about the 8 years old angle on the Ayers story. This means that when Obama befriended Ayers, he was already well aware of Ayers past activities, which actually makes this even WORSE! If Hitler were still alive and McCain became friends with him, stated “Oh, he was just some guy in the neighborhood and besides, I was 2 when he was killing millions of jews” do you think that would fly? Of course not, and it shouldn’t.

Again to be clear, I do NOT think that Obama supported in any way, shape or form Ayers past. Who knows, Ayers may have conned Obama into thinking that he was repentant, even though his quotes in the media show otherwise. I certainly wouldn’t consider Obama a radical by association in this case. The REAL issue here is 2-fold:

1) Knowing that he was a radical in his past, and unrepentant currently, Obama exercised poor judgement in his interactions with a guy like Ayers.

2) The evidence clearly shows that the relationship was more than “just some guy in the neighborhood.” So the issue is more about honesty and being forthcoming. If Obama had stated from the beginning they they were friends, and that Obama had felt that the Ayers of present was completely different than the Ayers of the past or whatever, it would be more of a non-issue.

All of that being said, Joe Sixpack out there doesn’t really know who Ayers or the Weather Underground is, don’t remember it, and probably couldn’t care less. McCain is barking up the wrong tree on this one. He should focus more on Obama working on a case for his former law firm that sued Citibank because they were not offering up ENOUGH sub-prime mortgages as dictated by the widely expanded CRA. THAT is something that Joe Sixpack will have more interest in.

Obviously, you will never be in a position of power. That is the mechanism
used throughout history by leaders to remain leaders. Actually I am unaware of any other method that was successful.

(moderator please delete my previous post)

If I have to go by mainstream media’s brain washings, I’ll take a free spending, tree hugging liberal any day of the week.

Personally, I don’t view it strictly as totalitarian, but more of an expression of what conditions an individual will give power to another.

(Comments work)