Ok, I have my exercise equipment. I just got my 35-pound kettlebell because I did not want to start doing new exercises (Turkish get-ups, snatches) with my 53-pounder until I’m sure I have the technique down properly.
I have written a diet plan. (6 small meals/day, no “white” carbs (sugar, flour, etc), <30g per meal and <15g per snack)
I’m ready to establish a new routine and get where I want to go. There’s just one little problem.
Forgetting that I am no longer 20 years old and indestructible, I dove for a line drive while playing softball last week. It was a highlight reel-worthy play. Standing about 15 feet off first base, the batter sends a scorcher right down the line. I dive to my left and stab at the ball, catching it “sno-cone” style in my glove. After having a Wile E. Coyote “oh shit, this is going to hurt” moment in mid-air, I hit the ground. Hard. The ball popped loose, and so did my knee. After having the presence of mind to grab the ball, roll over and touch first to get the out, the pain started to set in.
Like any overly-macho type, I finish the inning in the field and head back to the bench. That’s when I noticed that someone had replaced my leg with one that looked like it belonged to King Kong. Players in the dugout on the opposite side of the field noticed the swelling and came over for a closer look. (I’m not exaggerating)
My coach decides, in a fit of compassion, to move me to designated hitter so that I don’t have to stand on the leg in the field. Over the course of the game, I hit 3 more of the most majestic, towering singles that you will ever see. The net over the fence extends a good 20 feet over the normal fence, and for some reason, I just wasn’t generating the same power I usually did. Everything went off the wall, sometimes rolling, but at least I got it that far.
The next day, I head to the body-and-fender shop and get the knee checked out. In addition to the swelling, most of the skin on my kneecap looked like ground hamburger. The doc mentions all of the following phrases in her checkup
- Torn meniscus
- Torn MCL
- Torn quadricep tendon
- Broken kneecap
She sends me back to the X-ray room to see how many of her diagnoses are correct, and we can safely eliminate the broken kneecap from the list. She makes an emergency appointment with an orthopedist and writes prescriptions for yummy pain killers and anti-inflammatories (too late for that… King Kong is still missing his leg). The Orthopedist plays the “does this hurt?” game (which I lose) and to my very pleasant surprise says “Nothing is torn, you have full range of motion, even if it hurts like hell. You’ve got traumatic bursitis.”
Bursitis, for the nonce, means that the sac of fluid which surrounds the knee and enables it to function properly has popped and filled with fluid, usually pus (swelling after 24 hours), but sometimes blood (immediate swelling). If you’ve been paying attention, you know which one I got. After upgrading my anti-inflammatory prescription and being told to stay off the leg for a couple of days, I head home thinking that there were no more surprises in store.
I should know better.
I went downstairs for breakfast (3 eggs, scrambled, with sausage… I like this diet so far) and my wife says in a tone that only a married woman can generate, “Wow, honey. The bruising has really spread nicely.” And it surely had. What had started as a little bit of purple at the side of my knee had spread all the way up and around my thigh (the entire inner half of my thigh was purple) and all the way down to my feet. This was definitely the biggest bruise I’ve ever had, and in a sick way, it’s kinda cool. You gotta be a little bit active to have a chance to get an injury like this. At least it wasn’t a bruise from being welded to a couch because I was so fat I couldn’t move.
After a weekend of being grouchy as hell (sorry to those of you on the receiving end…), I wake up this morning, and the bruising is already starting to fade a little. The doc says that I’ll probably be out of commission for another week or so, after which time I can resume exercise activity. In the meantime, I’m on day one of the diet plan, and we’ll see how well this works. I put this on my post 2 weeks ago, but with no plan I expected no results. So we’re restarting the time line as of today.
- Goal: 255 pounds by the end of the year.
- Start Weight: 334 pounds. (Monday, 6/8/2009)
- Current Progress: 0 pounds.
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