Grim News

I woke up a week ago, and the left side of my head felt like it had been on the receiving end of a Mike Tyson hook.

Not only was my ear ringing so loud that it sounded like I was at a rock concert, but for some reason my jaw wouldn’t close. Did I mention the pain?

I make an appointment with my dentist, because TMJ and I are old friends. The doc takes one look at me and says “Dislocated Jaw… I can’t treat this, we need to get you to an oral surgeon”. So my jaw and I, apparently we are not on speaking terms any more, head to the surgeon’s office (he had a slot open that same day, thank god). He pokes (ow), he prods (Ow!), and he twists (OW! GODDAMMIT!) my jaw and says “yep, you’re dislocated alright. Only problem is that there is so much swelling behind your left ear that we can’t set it back in place. I’ll give you some muscle relaxers for the time being, but you need to see your doctor.

So I see my doctor, who says “Oh yeah, you definitely have TMJ, and your jaw is definitely dislocated (gee, thanks doc). Your ear is so swollen that I can’t even see your eardrum. Your ear canal is completely closed.” Now we add antibiotics and hydrocortizone to the list of things I get to take.

You can imagine how much fun I was as my wife and I drove to Charlotte on Wednesday…

So now we’re to Thursday, my ear is still swollen shut, but at least I can touch my teeth together for the first time in 4 days. (Still not aligned right, but getting there.) I get to sit with a room full of fellow auditioneers and try out for Jeopardy. “Hey, Kevin, tell us about yourself.. Mmpph mmmmm mmm phmmmmph”

Miraculously, I manage to survive the audition process and am now in the contestant pool for Jeopardy, jaw and all.

Here it is, one week later. I can close my jaw just fine and my dislocation is a thing of the past (thank god), but my ear is still ringing, and the swelling is now to the point where I can hear for a few seconds, then my ear stops up again… rinse and repeat all day long.

Just in time to return to work next week  and deal with all of my stressed out co-workers who think that I have been on vacation for a week while they were in the office dealing with Swine Flu.  If it weren’t for my wife, I would be a very scary person to be around right now.