May
26
Maybe I can’t hold off the Grim Reaper forever, but I don’t have to give him a hand. For those of you who aren’t into the self-examination of others, leave now.
May
23
WNEP says it appears that the evil moron District Attorney George Skumanick has defeated is primary opponent Deborah Albert-Heise. He will be going on to face democratic candidate Jeff Mitchell in the fall.
May
23
Chinese Man Helps Jumper Fixes Traffic
Posted in: Uncategorized, Viet-JusticeWritten by: Quan Tranh
Lai Jiansheng is a hero. Chen Fuchao decided he was going to ruin everyone’s day by threatening to jump off a bridge. Well Lai was not going to have any of that. He walked past the police barricade, shook hands with Chen, and then pushed him off the bridge.
“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest,” Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. “They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”
Unfortunately Chen survived the fall, so this means he is going to have to try again later. Lai should be getting a medal from the police for quickly resolving a situation that could have impeded commerce for a long time. We should take Lai’s example in the US and legalize pushing jumpers off their objects. After all it is being a good samaritan when you help others attain their goals.
May
22
My brother is an amateur filmmaker and has done several small shorts featuring his children and friends. This latest one is a collaboration with me, and I had a hand in writing the script and contributing creative ideas. What do you think?
May
16
Sexy mascot can stay if curves covered
Posted in: Uncategorized, Viet-JusticeWritten by: Quan Tranh
The rampant Talabinisation of America continues. The zoning board of Reading, OH has told a restaurant owner he has to cover up his mannequin mascot. This sort of silliness is something that only goes on in Iran, well until now it only goes on in Iran. Is the zoning commission going to require that women cover up next? The restaurant owner claims that his sales have gone up by 40% since he put the mannequin on display. Does this mean that the zoning board is also anti-capitalist as well as clueless? I’ll explain for those people reading this that work for a zoning board. When business sales go up, the amount of taxes they pay goes up as well. This means that the city is turning down money in favor of covering up a mannequin. With todays world of budget cuts and shortfalls it must be nice to live in a city that doesn’t need the extra revenue.
May
11
I know what’s wrong with the Republican Party!
Posted in: Millamber's Mind, Sports, UncategorizedWritten by: Grim
Seriously, has any political movement gone from “Majority Party” to “Clown Shoes” so quickly?
Here are some of the choicest tidbits from President Obama’s performance at the White House Correspondents Dinner.
- “Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, ‘How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.’”
- On House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), whose apparent fake tan has long been the butt of jokes inside the Beltway, “We have a lot in common: He is a person of color,” Obama joked. “Although not a color that appears in the natural world.”
But the line of the night had to be this gem from Wanda Sykes on Rush Limbaugh…
- “I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on OxyContin he missed his flight,”
The Republican Party has become a complete shambles. When your party’s guiding lights are talk radio hosts, and some of your oldest and most established members are jumping ship to the other party, perhaps it is time to think about how disconnected you have become from “Mainstream America”. Seriously, these clowns are seriously entertaining the notion of running Sarah Palin for President in 3 more years. It might be more dignified, and certainly less expensive to just say “We give up” and let Obama have his second term without a fight.
As a parting shot, I’ll leave you with this little nugget to think about. The same “Conservatives” who decry Obama’s spending bills and invoke the “holy name” of Ayn Rand when espousing their preferred economic philosophies are the same bozos who voted for Bush’s bailout bill back in December and managed to turn a budget surplus into record deficits in only a few short years. Hypocrite much?
May
03
I woke up a week ago, and the left side of my head felt like it had been on the receiving end of a Mike Tyson hook.
Not only was my ear ringing so loud that it sounded like I was at a rock concert, but for some reason my jaw wouldn’t close. Did I mention the pain?
I make an appointment with my dentist, because TMJ and I are old friends. The doc takes one look at me and says “Dislocated Jaw… I can’t treat this, we need to get you to an oral surgeon”. So my jaw and I, apparently we are not on speaking terms any more, head to the surgeon’s office (he had a slot open that same day, thank god). He pokes (ow), he prods (Ow!), and he twists (OW! GODDAMMIT!) my jaw and says “yep, you’re dislocated alright. Only problem is that there is so much swelling behind your left ear that we can’t set it back in place. I’ll give you some muscle relaxers for the time being, but you need to see your doctor.
So I see my doctor, who says “Oh yeah, you definitely have TMJ, and your jaw is definitely dislocated (gee, thanks doc). Your ear is so swollen that I can’t even see your eardrum. Your ear canal is completely closed.” Now we add antibiotics and hydrocortizone to the list of things I get to take.
You can imagine how much fun I was as my wife and I drove to Charlotte on Wednesday…
So now we’re to Thursday, my ear is still swollen shut, but at least I can touch my teeth together for the first time in 4 days. (Still not aligned right, but getting there.) I get to sit with a room full of fellow auditioneers and try out for Jeopardy. “Hey, Kevin, tell us about yourself.. Mmpph mmmmm mmm phmmmmph”
Miraculously, I manage to survive the audition process and am now in the contestant pool for Jeopardy, jaw and all.
Here it is, one week later. I can close my jaw just fine and my dislocation is a thing of the past (thank god), but my ear is still ringing, and the swelling is now to the point where I can hear for a few seconds, then my ear stops up again… rinse and repeat all day long.
Just in time to return to work next week and deal with all of my stressed out co-workers who think that I have been on vacation for a week while they were in the office dealing with Swine Flu. If it weren’t for my wife, I would be a very scary person to be around right now.
May
01
Dear Burger King,
What the f, seriously? Please tell me who is responsible for the current advertising you have deemed appropriate enough to peddle to children your kids’ meal. You know the one I’m talking about, in which the King is rapping with all the gusto of a strung out white boy, in front of some hoochies pop-locking with square asses. Aw hell, here, it’s this one.
Some douche in your marketing department was sitting around, smoking up and watching Spongebob when he thought, “How can I combine the two things children love the most; sex and cartoons?” Well, mission accomplished. Never mind the fact that if children continually eat your greasy, cholesterol inventions, they will end up with butts more in line with Sir Mix-A-Lot’s original song, namely “round and big.”
Incidentally, I just love the fact that you had to make each one of your dancers a different race, so that she can appeal to a broader genre of future pole dancers. Hell, I’m almost sure in the still shot above that I can trace the outline of a vagina. Why give them shorts at all? Just have some naked bitches straddling the Burger King riding on his giant french fry and shouting “Buy our Kid’s Meal! Get a free Dora the Explorer butt plug!”
Damn, now I’ve given you your next commercial.
Sincerely,
Millamber
